Moments of Clarity: Shining Your Light, Even When No Validation Comes

Even before I knew what outlier meant, I felt the pangs of being different from the other members of my immediate family. Unlike anyone else, I was a girl without a mother. 

People often looked at me with a sort of disdain.  I remember being called “a child of the devil” by an elder member of my family. The sad thing is that for a long time, I believed her.

        Looking back, I was a sort of stray longing for someone to recognize value in me; wanting someone to look at me recognize me and tell me with courage and hope in their eyes who I was.  Usually this validation of love and character comes from the people that love us.  Usually, one’s parents and later from our peers.  It’s what self-esteem is built on.  But when you’ve lived a life where you’ve felt the pangs of being less than worthy, less than loved, you’ll finding yourself longing for validation of worth and love than may never come.

Moments of Clarity: The Little Things

I’ve been paying attention in the quiet moments.  I’m learning that wisdom is all around and that the answers will come.  We might just need to tune in to the quietness and take what for us and to leave the rest behind.

Finding Contentment

Again and again, it's clear to me that it’s the little things that count.  Especially so, if you’re having a bad day.  One days like that, know to count your blessings.  Personally, I like to have personal goals, financial goals, short-term and long term alike.  I know this to be a good practice and as much as making goals are important, so is finding ways to celebrate (even small) achievements.  

Life in Korea: The Way Things Are, The Way It's Always Been

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:”
Ecclesiastes 3:1


My time in South Korea has allowed me to meet lots of people from all walks in life and I’ve valued the lessons and blessings I’ve gotten from each of them.  I’d never thought of myself as being sensitive, but after an insightful conversation with a handsome male friend I realized that not only am I sensitive, I’m highly sensitive or an HSP..
I’ve learned that things changing too quickly makes me anxious and stressed.  I’ve learned that I really enjoy volunteering so long as it has some structure.   I’m grateful for these new experiences, but new experiences are a part of life; there’s something incredible about doing something for the very first time.

For one, people don’t change.  Well, better to say that people rarely change.   And although times have changed, I haven’t changed much.

Life in Korea: The Bigger Picture

Being back in Korea, I’m reminded that in order to get something you’ve never had before, you have to do something you’ve never done before. Some of the littlest things has bought a great big smile to my face…a genuine compliment, a gift from a child, children singing and dancing and the satisfaction of a job well done and never forget the people that helped you when you needed help. I’ve been pensive about my future but I know some way, some how it’s all gonna work itself out. #Godisfaithful 

Moments of Clarity: Recognizing Love, The Good Kind

When you come from a family where several social issues dominated part of your childhood, you may find yourself in a situation where you’re unable to recognize good love.  After all, feeling loved and cared for or knowing you’re are/were, is part of being a healthy and fully functional, self-confident human being.  Truly, I believe that love covers a multitude of sins. And to many of life’s’ questions, love is the answer.  This can be self-love or other forms of love that entails nurturing and caring for another.

Moments of Clarity: Respect, Boundaries and Love

It’s been seven months since I’ve returned to Korea to teach for a second time around and well, being here has given me the time, space and energy to pull back the covers of some things that have been a bit of a struggle to deal with in years past.  I decided that I would embrace it all in faith, knowing that in the quiet reflection of life, the answers would come. 

Not too long ago, I read an article on boundaries and to my surprise, I understood it in a brand new light.  

Not surprisingly, people erroneously think of boundaries as being 'walls'.  It’s easy to see how people can confuse having boundaries with putting up walls as the two definitions appear similar at first glance;  a wall being a structure built to keep people out, which can also be called a boundary. 

Life in Korea: I'm Halfway There

Contrary to the school year in the United States and most other countries in the Western Hemisphere, March marks the beginning of the school year for South Koreans.  Something about the Spring and a fresh start…However, for me, its six months into a one year contract with EPIK (English Program in Korea).  Which only means I’m half way through and really, I’m already counting down.

This is my second year in Korea.  A year I felt quite apprehensive about spending in Korea but with a shaky economy in the U.S and many other places, Korea was the best (well only) option.  It’s been a totally different experience the second time around with lots of hiccups from the beginning and several bumps along the way.   No surprise that the last six months continued much the way it started and well, I wasn’t sure I’d make it through my one-year contract.  

28 Days of Love: Love Covers a Multitude of Sins

Living and teaching half way around the world, I realized that in times of solitude, that apart for the sparse connection Facebook provides, I’ve really disconnected from my friends and loved ones and no one seems to mind.  It’s a hard reality knowing that not one birthday card will show up in the mail.  Not one care package will arrive unless I make preparations to pay for it and perhaps bribe a relative to do it for you.  And, even with a free means to call, not one single call will come in, not even on my birthday.

It’s easy to get down on yourself and start a pity party when this is your reality.  But instead, I decided that there are some connections and relationships that matter more than others and as broken as they may seem, “love covers a multitude of sins” and really, I feel ready to let go of the hurt and anger and pain that comes with dealing with people who themselves who are hurting and willingly or unwillingly passing it on.

28 Days of Love: Loving People From a Distance

It took many years before I could see who people (family included) for who they really were.  Even then, I had a hard time accepting that people (mostly my family) could be so biased, so hateful, so disrespectful, so abusive, so selfish, so evil and well, I didn’t believe it; I couldn’t.  After all, why would they be…and so I was deeply conflicted.

As a girl growing up without a mother, I spent much of my time envying families where although not perfect, love was absolutely evident.  I was at a loss and couldn’t really figure it out what was missing until I saw how families that genuinely care for each other behave.

Within the last year, I can say I truly came to understand a few things that has made me become more centered in the reality of my life.  As a young child, I was rather bright (although few people would acknowledge that), I read a lot and had few  friends.  I was also very trusting of adults to do the right thing (although few did).

Life in Korea: Keeping it All in Perspective

Ever found yourself disappointed over the outcome of something only to realize later on that it worked out for the best?  I'm finding this to be the case in many, many situations so much so that I am becoming more accepting of all outcomes.  I'm realizing the what the psalmist meant when he said, "Fret not thyself", found in Psalm 37.

I've also had a few epiphanies, some would call these "Aha Moments".