Moments of Clarity: Shining Your Light, Even When No Validation Comes

Even before I knew what outlier meant, I felt the pangs of being different from the other members of my immediate family. Unlike anyone else, I was a girl without a mother. 

People often looked at me with a sort of disdain.  I remember being called “a child of the devil” by an elder member of my family. The sad thing is that for a long time, I believed her.

        Looking back, I was a sort of stray longing for someone to recognize value in me; wanting someone to look at me recognize me and tell me with courage and hope in their eyes who I was.  Usually this validation of love and character comes from the people that love us.  Usually, one’s parents and later from our peers.  It’s what self-esteem is built on.  But when you’ve lived a life where you’ve felt the pangs of being less than worthy, less than loved, you’ll finding yourself longing for validation of worth and love than may never come.

So what do you do when no approval comes?  What can you do when the people you’ve known the longest only speaks negatively of you even on your brightest days? 

What will you do, after you’ve cried about it and prayed about it and realize that the only change thats going to take place are the changes you make?  

Here's what you do:

1.  You decide that there are days that will take you back to the hurt and pain they’ve caused.  But you decided you’ve already forgiven them and you forgive again. And again. And again. And again.

2.  You keep a safe distance but help out if and when you can.  When people have  hurt you, you can live in that pain and the best way to get over it is to forgive andmove forward.  The best way to do that is to show love; these can be small acts oflove and kindness by giving time and energy to someone who might not appreciate it, but needs it.

3.  You validate your own feelings and don’t seek approval from others, cause in reality, this approval may never come.  Think of it like going on vacation, you don’t need anyone to approve of where you go it’s you that’s going.  This is especially the case when you’ve realized the people that don’t care about you. What they think and say shouldn’t have any bearing on your thoughts, feelings and actions.